We gave our Kaida her last Frosty Paw and said goodbye on Saturday, April 13.
Kaida stayed with me at my apartment and was pretty easy to train. She loved being in her cage, which we called "night night" and she very rarely had an accident. She laid with me on the couch and was a great cuddle dog. Her only bad moment was when she chewed up my carpet at the apartment!
And then she grew big! But she was the perfect size dog. Kaida averaged 60-pounds. She loved her walks and loved to be outside. And she loved people. She often slept in bed with me. She was a great comfort.
Right before Pat and I were married, the vet felt a mass. We had it removed. We would not have the results until we were on our honeymoon in Hawaii. We were a nervous wreck! It came back as a fatty mass. Nothing to worry about, but we decided to get insurance 'just in case.'
After Pat and I married, we purchased a house with a fenced-in yard. Perfect for Kaida. Having the freedom of being outside led Kaida to become more 'vocal.' She loved barking at motorcycles and birds and leaves and sometimes at nothing at all.
Some of my fondest memories of my time with Kaida are from when I was pregnant with Leah. I had morning sickness morning, noon and night. And Kaida would lay beside me while Pat worked late nights and long weekends. She never left my side. She did this while I was pregnant with Max and Noah, too.
When Leah was born, my parents took home one of her hospital blankets for Kaida. But I knew we wouldn't have any issues with Kaida being around Leah. I remember when we first brought Leah home Kaida went straight to her car seat carrier and sniffed her. And gave her kisses.
Kaida always loved to go to the kids' bedrooms and lie on the floors. And the kids really loved Kaida.
About four years ago, Kaida did not really have any health concerns so we decided to stop the insurance. We had put so much money into the insurance and never seemed to get anything back. Then...
Three years ago Kaida lost a lot of weight - 20 pounds - and had seizures. After some time, we learned that she had an enzyme deficiency and was put on Pancrea Powder which replaced the enzyme. Kaida quickly became a very expensive dog. But she was worth it. She quickly regained her weight and was herself again.
As our family grew, I became 'annoyed' with Kaida. Not so much Kaida, but her hair. Kaida was a shedder. You would think we never vacuumed our home or dusted. I was frustrated that after picking a baby up from the floor, the baby would be covered in dog hair. I also became frustrated with Kaida's additional costs. Soon she would be on a special diet, fish oil, allergy medicine - all in addition to her monthly $150 Pancrea Powder. I felt bad for feeling this way - but at times I felt like I was just drowning. I often took frustration with the children and Pat out on her - never harming her - but just statements I would make. I have regretted every single one. She never asked for three children to join our family! But she embraced and loved us all. She was quick to forgive and put her head in your hand for a good rub on the snout. And she would always roll over for a belly rub.
In February, Pat spotted a growth in Kaida's mouth along her gum line. She was due for a cleaning (like several years ago) so we scheduled Kaida for a cleaning and biopsy on her growth. When I picked her up from the cleaning I learned that the growth had been removed and sent to pathology and that while she had teeth that needed to be extracted, the vet decided to fill them instead. He suspected cancer. We received confirmation later that week. Kaida had a very aggressive form of cancer. While they had removed the growth, there was no way to have removed all the cells. The vet was unable to give us a 'how much longer' time - just that the growth would come back. When she stops eating - call. We were heart-broken. I never imagined we would lose Kaida at the age of nine. Pat and I cried. We decided no treatment (treatment would just buy time - and not much) and would watch for Kaida to be in any pain.
After Kaida's teeth cleaning she was on an anti-inflammatory. The vet said it may even help her back legs (Kaida had slowed down due to age) and they worked. We requested more and our Kaida-pup was back - acting all puppy again. Running around, playing with the kids and just happy. We had one last snowstorm - Kaida loved the snow. We had beautiful weekends - Kaida loved being outside in the sunshine and the kids. And then the worst night of our lives...
My parents and Pat's parents were in town last weekend to celebrate Noah's first birthday. On Thursday night I noticed that Kaida seemed to be shaking. I mentioned it to Pat and nothing else was said. Friday night late - midnight-ish, Pat came upstairs to get me. He felt for the first time Kaida was really in pain. She would not let us pet her on the head and she could not lie down on her right side due to her growth in her mouth (it came back within a month of it first being removed). We did not want Kaida to be in pain. We did not want to see Kaida in pain. We did not want to watch Kaida not eat (she had still been eating fine, but the vet said if her eating habits changed it would be a sign). With family in town to watch Leah, Max and Noah, we decided it was time.
While Pat got her cage into the car, I called the vet to let them know we were coming. I gave Kaida a Frosty Paw. Looking back, I wish I would have given her all 7 I had in the freezer. Kaida went upstairs and laid down next to my dad. I cried. Pat cried. We hit every red light on the way to the vet. It was after midnight - how do you catch every light?
The vet and vet tech were very nice. They were patient with us. I felt so bad for Kaida. I cried and kept telling her how sorry I was for what we were about to do. I knew it was for the best. Kaida was in pain and she was trying to hide it. But it didn't make our night any easier. We spent our final moments with Kaida. We held her while the vet gave her medicine to help her fall asleep one final time. It was peaceful. It was sad. It lifted a weight off of me. I no longer had to worry and wonder 'when is it time?" Kaida was gone within seconds. We stayed with her a little while longer - crying and laughing how her hair was all over us. The vet asked me if I wanted any of her hair to take home, perhaps for a scrapbook. I laughed and replied "I have enough of her damn hair in my house!" It was a moment for us to relax and breathe again. I asked to vet to see the growth. It was the size of an egg - maybe bigger. It was multi-colored - gray, yellow, black, green. It was disgusting. It had caused Kaida great pain. I knew we had made the right choice for Kaida. Then I realized she wasn't coming home with us. And I cried again. It was so hard to leave her behind.
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| At one of her many vet appointments |
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| Pat forgot to let her in before he left for work - I went home and found her in the rain! |
We decided to wait to tell Leah on Sunday, but she overheard a conversation Saturday night and we told her then. She seemed to understand what we were saying, and she seemed a little sad. And at the same time she made us chuckle by asking for a goldfish. We have continued to talk about Kaida throughout the week. Leah has told me that Kaida loved us and she loves Kaida. She was sad when she realized we didn't need Kaida's food anymore, but was happy to learn that we gave it to our neighbor Christine for her dog, Grace.
I never thought losing Kaida would have affected me in the way that it has. I have cried a lot. I really miss her. Kaida was a member of our family for nine years. She drove me absolutely crazy with her hair all over the place. I commented to Pat on Tuesday how we hadn't vacuumed since Sunday and our kitchen floor was still hair-free. We had a thunderstorm Tuesday night - and we headed to the basement as we usually did with Kaida - it was the only place she would go to feel calm - and Pat mentioned how Kaida would normally beat us all down the stairs. After the kids go to bed, Pat and I sit in the living room to watch TV, grade papers, play on our phones. The room is so quiet and so empty. Something is missing.
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| This is the final picture we have of Kaida - Pat and I decided later this night to say good-bye |
I know that with time each day will get easier. I have so many wonderful memories of Kaida. She will be forever in my heart.
